Discover three transformative steps, based on recent research, that can help you create secure, lasting bonds in your relationships
Creating secure relationships is essential for emotional well-being, but many struggle due to ingrained attachment patterns formed early in life. Your attachment style—whether secure or insecure—shapes how you connect with others and influences your romantic relationships.
Fortunately, a 2019 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy offers hope for those seeking change. The study explores the journey of individuals with insecure attachment styles who successfully developed more secure, fulfilling relationships.
Follow these three steps:
1. Being intentional about relationships
The study revealed that intentionality is key to developing a secure attachment style. Participants who successfully transformed their relationship patterns made a deliberate and conscious effort to break free from harmful cycles of behavior. This intentionality required self-reflection, recognizing old patterns, and consistently making choices that aligned with their goals for healthier secure relationships.
One critical aspect was seeking out “surrogate attachment figures”—people who modeled secure, healthy relationships. Whether mentors, friends, therapists, or even faith community members, these figures offered positive examples and reinforced the possibility of secure relationships.
For many, developing strong, reciprocal friendships helped them see that not all relationships are unsafe. One participant mentioned that developing reciprocal friendships, rather than one-sided ones, helped them realize that not all relationships were unsafe.
2. Reshaping your self-worth
Internal growth played a significant role in participants’ transformation. The study showed that long-lasting positive change required internal shifts at cognitive, emotional, and even spiritual levels. This often meant challenging long-held beliefs and reworking their sense of identity and self-worth.
Many participants had to move away from a “victim mentality,” particularly if they had experienced trauma or neglect in childhood. They had to stop seeing themselves as powerless victims of their circumstances. As they took responsibility for their actions and interactions, they gained strength and resilience, allowing them to approach relationships from a place of security.
For some, this process involved overcoming self-doubt and re-framing weaknesses as strengths. By shifting their mindset, participants were able to recognize their intrinsic value and engage in healthier relationships. One participant reflected that after realizing they had value independent of others, they decided to invest their time and energy in people who also appreciated them.
3. Actively creating healthier and more secure relationships
Finally, participants in the study took active steps to heal past wounds and rebuild trust in love. This often meant confronting unresolved issues with early caregivers. Many worked through a process of forgiving their parents or understanding the limitations that led to their parents’ insecurities. This new perspective allowed participants to move forward and create more balanced, secure relationships.
Rebuilding trust in relationships also meant being willing to take risks. Participants opened themselves to new experiences, engaged in communities, and allowed themselves to be vulnerable. While this was initially challenging, it proved crucial for developing emotional security. One participant noted that upon realizing their mother’s inability to trust others, they decided they did not want to follow the same path and that awareness led to a personal change.
The study emphasizes that building a secure relationship doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process that requires patience, self-awareness, and the willingness to grow. But with each step forward, significant positive changes can take place, laying the foundation for lasting emotional security.
Looking for more articles like this? Stay informed and get updates on all the latest happenings by signing up for Calle Ocho News' newsletter! Plus, if you’re interested in advertising your business to a vibrant, engaged community, explore our advertising services. Let us help you reach your audience while supporting your local news source.
Add Comment